Hey guys! Phoar, it's been a while, hasn't it! So much has been going on in my life... I've moved house, started swimming, am taking more steps in my battle for anxiety and have been turning my new house in to a home!
I've briefly mentioned in the past about the impact on our surroundings for stress and anxiety. I've made an example of myself and proven this to myself now. Basically, we lived in a flat up until over a month ago when we moved to a house. Ground floor. Ground floor was preferable with my health in the state that it is. Our old flat was okay when we moved in, up until about November. Then a 'troubled youth' was put in, queue 999 calls and some other fun that I can't mention for my own safety. Let’s just say I had to contact the police 6 times over 4 days. Half of these were 999 calls.
After a very stressful period of time, making my anxiety and agoraphobia worse, he got kicked out and I believe, arrested. Fun stuff, huh. Then another 'troubled youth' got placed above us. He seemed nice enough... but then went downhill. We decided we had enough and found somewhere else to move to. Counting down the days! THEN said youth decided to have virtually a 5 day party NONE STOP. When you're trying to pack up and move as well as deal with a chronic health condition where you're already exhausted is a nightmare. Needless to say, I was outraged. The police were very good to us and one night was particularly long. We ended up rushing the last of our packing and couldn't wait to move the following weekend!
As you can imagine, tear-your-hair-out stressful. It's no secret that moving house is stressful anyway. It took its toll on me, physically and mentally, but it was nothing compared to the torture of living in that flat. Roll on moving day, my parents, my brother and a family friend all joined in to help my partner and I move. It was so stressful but such a relief to be out of there. I slept really well that night.
Already, it had made a difference to my attitude. It also helped that we were welcomed by our new landlord, being greeted by a handshake, a card and a bottle of wine and "welcome, we hope you enjoy your new home!" The estate agent also made the process as least-stressful as possible. They were understanding and accommodating and kept us updated at quite literally, every step and we knew exactly where we stood at all times, and even now we've been living here for a while, that level of "care", shall we say, has not stopped.
I woke up feeling exhausted, yet positive, motivated. Over the next week or so, I noticed I was generally more positive, my health was improving, my anxiety had improved a little which was more than I was expecting all things considered, anyway... But on the third week, I crashed. I was wondering how long it would take. I was stuck in bed but I was okay with that. I was surprised it hadn't happened sooner. I know that may sound negative but unless you're a Spoonie (I'll explain this another time, for now, consider it a catch all for anyone chronically ill with an illness that is life restricting) it's hard to understand.
There are consequences for our actions. Just the addition of now having stairs increased impact on my body, my legs were not happy. Our bathroom is downstairs and we have a spare bed downstairs, instead of in the second bedroom, upstairs, so for times like that, I can stay downstairs without issue. Okay, so it's a bit odd when you have a visitor and they don't get why there is a bed in your front room when it's not a houseshare, but this is OUR house and it's a necessary adaption to our home. What helps even more though, is I can actually rest in (almost) peace instead of lying down, feart for the elephant above disturbing me. I was incredibly jumpy, we both were.
I've had to adjust, I won't lie, my anxiety is up and down. Moving has not magically fixed everything; but it has taken one major issue out of the equation, I no longer have to deal with the stress of living in such a bad place. The flat itself was lovely, the elephant living above us, was not. Things have generally been on the up and up since moving which just goes to show, your surroundings do make a massive difference to how you feel consciously, subconsciously and even physically. I am so glad that we moved and it has made such a difference to everything. I feel generally more positive about the future, though the back of my mind is just waiting for something to go wrong... I can't help that though... not right now at least.
I feel like it's the beginning of a new chapter and hope to keep moving forward. I realised I've been aiming too high with my goals and allowing family to put pressure on me which has backed me in to a corner instead of bringing me out, so now I've broken things down in to smaller tasks. My goal for this year? To manage to go to town comfortably. Now I've moved, I'm closer. It's also more familiar as I'm near to where I was when I first came to Stafford and that was filled with positive experiences.
And then, with any luck, I'll be seeing the fantastic Russell Howard in January. These are my current goals. Nothing too crazy, no travelling down to my parents, as much as I'd love to, I'm not putting pressure on myself to do that and sending myself backwards. If I end up feeling like I can, then great, I will. But for now, it's just one thing at a time.